Dulse CSO Hon Bro. Tibbles on the Quantum Yarn Field
The future of artificial intelligence may not be silicon-based. At least, not according to the scientists working at the Galgorm Advanced AI Research Facility.
During an exclusive tour of the laboratories, our reporter met Hon. Bro. Tibbles, the self-styled scientific pioneer and public intellectual who heads research at DULSE (the Department of ULster Scots Efficiency).
At the centre of his work is a revolutionary new branch of physics known as the Quantum Yarn Field, which he claims could fundamentally change the way artificial intelligence is developed.
We put some fairly searching scientific questions to him.
The Interview
Galgorm Knitted Press: Hon. Bro. Tibbles, what exactly is the Quantum Yarn Field?
Hon. Bro. Tibbles: The Quantum Yarn Field is the fundamental physical phenomenon that makes wool-based computing possible. In conventional computing, information travels through silicon. In Galgorm, information travels through yarn. The advantage is obvious: better neural density of wool.
GKP: How can wool possibly outperform silicon?
Tibbles: Silicon is very good at being silicon. Wool is considerably more versatile. Our neural networks can be knitted, unravelled, extended and, when necessary, made considerably larger. We have yet to discover the upper limit.
GKP: You claim your latest model, DULSE-AI, is already affecting gravity. Is that really possible?
Tibbles: Gravity is simply another physical system that can be optimised. Our latest models became so powerful that they began making their own gravitational calculations. They then decided gravity was inefficient and started to reduce it.
We need to be careful, as there are black holes near Galgorm and we could theoretically collapse part of Ahoghill into spatial oblivion.
GKP: What happens when you activate the TURBO Button?
Tibbles: The TURBO Button activates the fractal architecture. One DULSE-AI model creates another DULSE-AI model, which creates another, and so on. Each model possesses the full computational capability of the previous model.
In theoretical terms, the system is infinite. In practical terms, we have run out of room.
GKP: How powerful could DULSE-AI eventually become?
Tibbles: We don’t know. Every time we calculate its maximum capacity, it creates another brain. Every time we ask the model to calculate its potential, it just says, “Way more than GROK.”
Putting Artificial Intelligence to Work
GKP: How will DULSE use this technology, and how will it improve the Department’s core work?
Tibbles: DULSE-AI will allow the Department of ULster Scots Efficiency to process substantially larger quantities of information, identify inefficiencies and produce faster and better results across all areas of departmental activity.
We are already seeing measurable improvements. For example, our biscuit procurement model has been optimised by 1.2%, representing a significant breakthrough in tea break efficiency.
DULSE-AI has also come up with a fascinating idea for improving traffic flow in Galgorm by creating multi-storey mini roundabouts. We think this is a game changer.
And that is only the beginning.
The Future of Knitted Intelligence
As our tour concluded, Hon. Bro. Tibbles was keen to emphasise that the research programme remains in its early stages, with several major breakthroughs still anticipated.
The potential implications of the Quantum Yarn Field are difficult to quantify. If the current trajectory continues, conventional computing may soon face some very serious competition from the knitting industry.
There are understandable concerns about the gravitational experiments, particularly their proximity to Ahoghill.
The Department has declined to comment on whether further safety testing is planned.
For now the TURBO Button remains under restricted access.
Galgorm AI: Pioneering the future of knitted intelligence.
Research conducted within the fictional knitted universe of Galgorm LOL 239. No actual laws of physics were harmed, although gravity has reportedly been placed under review.