A controversial geographical reorganisation proposal has emerged from the fictional knitted world of Galgorm, with calls for the seaside town of Portrush to be renamed Galgorm on Sea.
In a press release received by the Galgorm Knitted Press Association, the Society for the Advancement of Galgorm’s Territorial Identity, Coastal Assimilation, Municipal Reclassification and the Harmonious Reorganisation of Geographical Reality (SAGTI-CA-MR-HRGR) announced what it described as a long-overdue correction of historical geographical injustices.
The society, whose deliberations are understood to have taken place at an undisclosed location in the vicinity of Galgorm, issued the following declaration:
An Official Proclamation
We, the undersigned, being duly assembled under the authority of the Society for the Advancement of Galgorm’s Territorial Identity, Coastal Assimilation, Municipal Reclassification and the Harmonious Reorganisation of Geographical Reality (SAGTI-CA-MR-HRGR), do hereby declare:
That the time has come to correct the long-standing geographical injustices perpetrated against the good people of County Antrim.
We therefore proclaim that Portrush shall henceforth be known as Galgorm on Sea, or alternatively, Galgorm Sur Mer (subject to further deliberation by the Committee).
Furthermore, we declare our intention to bring every coastal settlement in County Antrim, and adjacent territories, into the benevolent municipal embrace of Galgorm.
Initial proposals include:
Portstewart – to be designated Galgorm West.
Ballycastle – to become Galgorm East.
Carnlough – to be reclassified as Galgorm Harbour.
The Giant’s Causeway – to be renamed the Galgorm Geological Promenade.
Further geographical adjustments may be announced as the society’s work progresses.
The Signatories
The proclamation was formally endorsed by the following distinguished representatives of SAGTI-CA-MR-HRGR:
Professor Ambrose T. Purlington
Supreme Convenor and Director of Territorial Expansion.
Dr Ethel Purl
Chief Cartographer and Commissioner for Unnecessary Boundary Adjustments.
Sir Reginald Woolworth-Stitch
Treasurer and Keeper of the Municipal Seal.
Hon. Bro. Tibbles (LOL 239 Lodge Cat)
Director of Unspecified Territorial Affairs, whose paw print has been duly witnessed.
The Galgorm Knitted Press will continue to monitor developments as this ambitious programme of coastal assimilation unfolds.